• JeannetteB
    59
    Hi everyone! I’ve been away for awhile because I’m in such deep mourning over the continued loss of my hair I don’t feel that I can be of help to anyone. I just don’t know how you all have done it. How do I finally accept my plot and move forward? Very soon now I will be at a point where there will be no denying, no way to hide behind concealers and no hope.
    I’m saddened, angry, and even sickened with my reflection in the mirror.
    Have any of you had to seek counciling to learn to accept your hairloss? Or are my feelings extreme?
    I’ve scoured the internet looking for support groups and all I find are sales pitches for miraculous hair growth remedies and such.
    If anyone knows of such a group please let me know.
    I have another question which I’ll start a new discussion to ask.
    Thank you all
  • Misty
    391
    HI JeannetteB, I am very sad to hear this. It is extremely emotional and difficult for anyone experiencing hair loss. My hair loss started just after the birth of our child, who is now 31 years of age, and I still have times "I wish" for my hair. It will never happen. I have learned to accept that "my hair" is my Jon Renau Zara hair, or whatever I am wearing today. I tell myself it is mine, and that there are worse things life can throw at you, (cancers for example). I still can have a sad moment, and then I have to pick myself up and realise it could be a lot worse. I wish I could be of more help, I hope there are others out there who can assist. For me, it had to come from me accepting there is no other option. My wig is my beautiful hair, without my beautiful hair I would not want to leave my home. I can do what I want anytime I want because of Jon Renau and others like him. Blessings to you and those wonderful wig stylists. :hearts:
  • virginia
    26
    I don't have any info about counseling or support groups, but just wanted to say that you're not alone in your feelings. My hair has been thin my whole life, and then when it started *really* thinning 5-10 years ago it made me feel more and more isolated, like I was the only one dealing with hair loss. (The only woman, anyway. :confused: ) I will say that discovering this forum and realizing there are lots and lots of women out there dealing (and thriving!) with the same issues I was, gave me the confidence to buy a wig and start wearing it in public. And it's made a HUGE difference in my attitude and my daily outlook on life. I still wish I had a full head of hair, but my hair was never this pretty and I never got compliments before, so this has been a real positive step for me.

    I hope others have more info about support groups or counseling. I wonder if your doctor or local hospital or health insurance provider could provide references? Just a thought. Don't give up!
  • Gracie Mas WIGS.COM TEAM
    14
    I just wanted to say that it is very brave of you to come back to the forum and have discussions even in the midst of your grief over the loss of your hair. You mentioned that you felt you couldn't be of help to others, but I'd like to bring up a point that one thing I love about our forum is when I see people encouraging and uplifting others. I honestly thinks it's just as healing for them as it is for you! So even though you may not be in the place right now to offer much encouragement, just remember that there is an impending transition for you to move from where you are, to where you will be which is an inspiration. And in the meantime, you are helping others by allowing them to help you. Wigs.com is here for you!
  • JeannetteB
    59
    Thank you. There is truth in your words! I’ve noticed that when I have a conversation with someone going through the same thing I’m at my best with words of encouragement and hope. For some reason I can’t seem to give myself that same pep talk. Maybe I’m in my head too much. Maybe I need to say the words out loud so they reach my heart. Because I do listen when someone gives me words of encouragement and I’m better...until the next bad day.
    This is definitely a roller coaster ride of emotions with good days as well as bad.
    Sometimes I wish I could hurry up and get through the “impending transition “ you mentioned. But I know that this is a process and acceptance will come eventually. I only hope it happens before my spirit is completely crushed Thank you❤️
  • JeannetteB
    59
    I’m so happy for you that you’ve made the transition and are feeling beautiful and confident again. I’m looking forward to that ❤️
  • JeannetteB
    59
    you’re so right about there being worse things. I try to remind myself of this. A couple of years ago cousin of mine was on a freeway exit when their car broke down. She and her husband got out to see what the problem was and a drunk driver smashed right in to her. When she woke up in the hospital the next day, she had no legs. I remind myself of this constantly. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn’t. The shock of sudden loss seems incomprehensible to me. My hair loss doesn’t even begin to compare. At least it’s been gradual. Imagine waking up one day and you’re completely bald. There! I’m feeling better already
  • Misty
    391
    So sad to hear about your family, my heart goes out to you all. :hearts:
    I agree with Gracie and her comments, you are very brave to come back to this forum in the midst of your grief over the loss of your hair, and I do believe we can all help each other at different times with what we are experiencing. Sending hugs. :hearts:
  • Cathe Lartigue
    319
    You think you can't help people, but your post DID help. You have no idea how many of us who have gone through hair loss have felt the same way. I remember when I had that "aha" moment that my hair would never come back. It was disheartening and depressing but I had to turn it around for the sake of my sanity and my life.
    On FB there are many "wig " groups where women DO discuss their hair loss. You won't be alone. Wigs serve a purpose far more than fun and variety. Wigs give women their confidence and lives back. Here's a huge cyberhug for you!!!
  • JeannetteB
    59
    thank you for the hug, I can actually feel it ❤️
    I hadn’t thought of Facebook. I’ll take a look
  • JanetG
    9
    I am so sorry for your grief. I don't participate very much in this forum but when I saw your post I felt such empathy. I am waiting for the day that I shrug and say "oh well" can't fix it so move on. But I haven't quite arrived at that point either. For me, I think it's because I still have bio hair. It's thinner now, but on top it is almost non-existent. So in public I have to wear a wig or topper. But the toppers do not quite match my natural hair color so that puts me off and I just haven't found a wig that feels comfortable yet. I don't know about you, but my whole life my hair was the show-stopper. It was thick and always garnered comments. That all came to a halt about 6 years ago. It was coming out by handfuls every day. The doctor merry-go-round began for the next 4 years. All said the same thing, "Sorry". I understand your grief all to well. I still deal with it. Most days are fine. But then there are those days......Hang in there. You are so not alone.
  • Erobinky
    12


    JeannetteB,

    I soooo empathize with you! I went through a tough period of time that sounds a lot like yours with regard to my hair loss. I think just as any other grieving, we all do it differently. Your grieving your hair loss sounds like what I experienced and I too wondered if I was the only one who felt the same. I’m an RN, and sought all manner of medical help and then a couple years of topicals, supplements, products, tools, treatments, etc, on and on. I went through the mourning, depression, and angst - but, I still had to live, go to work, had young boys and needed to be involved.

    One day I discovered alternative hair (Jon Renau to be exact) and my life changed overnight - and I do mean overnight since I had a job interview for a corporate position that they were flying me out to - and I had JUST enough time to choose and order my new hair. No one suspected a thing and I felt FABULOUS, and - I got the job!!

    As an RN, I’ve worked in an outpatient surgery facility. I’ve witnessed gluteal augmentation, breast augmentation, nose augmentation, and liposuction. Add to that all other manner of change people make - lips, chin, cheeks - it goes on and on! Then add to that, the more serious prosthetics for losses such as eyes or limbs. I just decided - and adopted this mantra for myself - if I can watch others get new butts, boobs, noses, and all the other - what is wrong with me augmenting the loss of my hair? I no longer care what others think about my alternative hair and live my fullest life without - what I have deemed - wasted thoughts on things I cannot change (my hair loss) and dwell on the good things (beautiful hair I get to choose) and being active with my family. I wanted to post a few pics of active me having fabulous hair days :) if I can figure out how lol!

    I’d never want to diminish how anyone feels. But I’m pretty sure I know how you’re feeling - and I know you CAN move on and be 100% happy and feel like yourself again. For me, I feel even better! Never had this beautiful of hair before, so there’s that :)) I wish you the best!
    (P.S., in case anyone wondered, yes, that IS me with Owen Shroyer! )

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  • Debbie
    13
    To Jeannette and everyone that responded, I can only thank you all for inspiring me and helping me also to have confidence. I have a very shiny bald crown. I lost my hair gradually starting in or around 6th grade due to trichotillomania. I am now 64 yrs and just started wearing wigs as I used to be able to wear my hair of what was left up in a top knot every day of my life. Until now I can no longer do that as age has thinned out of leftover hair. I also have to remind myself how blessed I am that it is my hair and not some other disabling something. I can fix my “hair” and that is a blessing. Thanks ladies for all. One question; what do you all use to keep your wig hat secure???
  • SuzieQ
    34
    Jeanette, Debbie, and everyone on the forum. What a blessing to have a place of support. I have Hoshmitos Disease. It’s an autoimmune immune disorder. My hair began falling out and I was in a serious depression. My girl friend took me to amazing wig store for my first wig. I will say it was a process with a love hate relationship with wigs at first. Like anything we do, it takes time to learn what works for you. I am an RN also. I work in the recovery room. I often have patients who have just found out they have cancer and will be undergoing chemo. If they say “I’m dreading losing my hair” that’s when I tell them I have a wig on and give them Wigs.com info. I recommend you go to YouTube and watch Taz’s videos. She has one where she speaks of her hair loss journey.
    I’m no longer ashamed but embrace my wig wearing. I have 30-40 wigs. This is me wearing “Sarah” on my wedding day. That is little granddaughter with me. She calls my wigs “the girls.”ukrbarnplbq4nk79.jpeg
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  • Jnc
    15
    I feel for you. I have no idea why I have no hair. It was getting thinner and thinner every year and I just hated it. I never looked in a mirror when I was out. I look at the picture of me at my daughters wedding and just cringe. I was mad too that the doctors didn't care. One male doc told me - well, my hair is getting thinner and it doesn't bother me!. Ugh! Finally one day I woke up and thought - why don't I get a wig? I always thought they would be heavy and look fake. It took me a few months to get the courage to finally go try one on. My sister and her daughter came to town (both have thick hair) and I told them they had to go with me to try on wigs. I set up an appointment, sat down and the lady brought me a few to try. When I looked at myself I couldn't believe the difference. I just cried. Yes, I somedays hate wearing them and just wish I could go natural, but alas, I am bald on the top of my head. I finally shaved my head a few months ago and loved it. So freeing. It's growing back in now and looks terrible. I'll probably shave it again soon. I have never seen any support groups. I don't know anyone who needs to wear a wig. All of my friends and family have tons of hair. It's really not fair. I still hope that someday they will find the magic pill to make hair grow back, but until then I have to wear a wig. I have so much more confidence than I ever did. I look at pictures of me from 20 years ago and see that my hair had been so thin for years and years. I hope you will soon feel better about your situation. It does suck that is for sure, but being able to pop a wig on makes all the difference to me.
  • Ann41m
    24
    It is heart breaking for any woman to loose their hair no matter what the cause. My hair started thinning after the birth of my son 24 years ago and progressed once I started going through menopause. I went to the doctor only to find out that I have female pattern baldness. The physician was heartless, gave me the diagnosis said it would not grow back that it’s inherited and nothing can change that, he turned and walked out!! No support, no advice nothing. I turned to the Internet and wigs.. it took me two years to pull myself out of a deep depression. I work at a hospital and see very ill women everyday and had to turn my negative emotions to positivity. I had to be strong and show my daughters how to pull through tough times and thank God for my health. It could always be worse!! I started experimenting with wigs and let me tell you... it was not pretty in the beginning. Lol But it has revolved into something positive, I’m not ashamed to talk about my alopecia, I’m here for my daughter and all other women to share and lean on, so we all can be there for each other. It will get better and it soon becomes empowering. To all of you lovely ladies.. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT REGARDLESS IF YOU HAVE HAIR OR NOT. ❤️ it doesn’t matter if we need to wear wigs, it’s all in how you wear it.. 99.9% no one can tell. IMG_3317.jpg
  • Junie
    5
    Hello everyone
    The process of loosing ones hair, and the trauma it causes to our lives, is as we all know here, one of the most difficult things to have to deal with as a woman. Somehow it takes away our feeling of self! I don’t know why this happens to us. It does! As a young confident woman with small children, which I was at the time it began for me, to a woman who sat crying and cutting of the last bits of hair I had on my head. I finally bought a wig, I was then 36 I am now 69, not a good one really by today’s standards, but gradually.. and I do mean very gradually. Even through, and after the loss of my marriage, partly due to my hair loss. My confidence in myself, and my self image returned. That thing inside that says, I do look good with my wig, (I couldn’t even say the word wig once), and nice makeup, and compliments on my hair, gave me the feeling of whole again. There are so many of us who have experienced the same feelings, to encourage each other to take the step to wig wearing full time, and to feel great about ourselves again. We are always more than the hair on our heads, be it real hair or not.
  • JeannetteB
    59
    Wow! What a beautiful outpouring of love and support I have to say, you all look so beautiful in your wigs (like you Julie, I can hardly say the word). But honestly when I put one on if screams Fake! I guess it just takes getting used to seeing me with more hair? Plus, I’m sure you’ve all done some customization which I’m still learning to do.
    Reading your stories not only strengthens me but makes me realize I’m not alone. We are United by a common struggle (to put it mildly). It seems I am in good company ❤️
  • JeannetteB
    59
    thank you. That’s exactly what I’m trying to tell myself. “ I can’t fix it. It will never grow back. It’s time to get over it and move on. Enough time has been wasted”
    I’m generally a joyful spirit and I miss that part of me. I believe I’m almost there and I don’t think I could have done it without the support of this forum❤️
  • Lolls
    4
    If you are on Facebook, you can join "Wig Wearers Support Group". Also, I understand how you feel because I have been wearing an integration wig since 1998 and I still have such hair envy when I see someone with great hair. However, it does get easier with time and acceptance of your situation. God bless!
  • Junie
    5
    I hope this tip will help anyone having to wear a wig for the first time. Buy one which is closest to the colour, and the style you had with your own natural hair. I found that going that route helped me to feel and look like myself again. Yes it’s fake, but you will look more like the person in the mirror you like to see.
  • A7X
    70
    Totally agree with Junie above, my wig is close to what my bio hair was (except way better, my hair was never great so there is nothing to miss.) I too have female pattern baldness and working in a corporate environment, I have to look polished. Wearing a wig is the only way for me and it does take a while to get used to yourself with more hair! Now I'm so comfortable with it that I don't care if people know it's a wig.

    I just spent the weekend with my sister and she's thinning too at the temples and crown. I made her try on my wig and she loved it and now wants one of her own! It really is so much easier. Yes, I wish I had good hair, but if this is my worst problem in life, I'll take it and be happy.
  • animallover
    276
    I have been following this post and find it comforting and so supportive. Haven't been able to write until tonight though. I am so happy that it is helping you. The people on here are amazing. I don't know of any support groups. I have looked at heralopecia.com over the years but sometimes it made me more depressed. Cornerofhopeandmane.com can be uplifting. They are forums though, not really just support groups.
    I, like so many, have lost so much precious time lamenting over my hair loss. About 25 years ago I noticed that an older sibling was losing hair. Not my mom or dad though. Even though I wasn't losing hair at the time, I freaked. My doctor at the time said to try Rogaine. I did but wasn't fully aware that it would be a lifetime commitment. Over the years I developed Hashimoto's which is really what started my hair loss. Than a sudden violent loss threw me into not only sudden shock but also the deepest depression of my life. I developed telegen effusium from the shock and stress. Than the telegen effusium turned into chronic telegen effusium. Two doctors said it probably wouldn't get better. For many years as I was trying to cope with loss of life I didn't care much about my hair but once I realized that I had no choice but to go on living I knew I had to do something to make me feel normal again. I was still using rogaine and started adding lots of hair supplements. I spent so much time crying about hair loss, laying in bed not wanting to get out, sitting on the bathroom counter with a mirror in my hand and one at my back, searching my whole head for loss, needing to see it but not wanting to. That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I literally hung my head in shame whenever I would go to the store. So much time wasted, so much sadness, sadness takes energy. I asked myself why my hair mattered when I was attempting to survive the loss of someone I loved more than anything. But the thing is I had no choice in living and being a balding woman in this society is not an easy task. My hair last June was shoulder length and I hated watching it fall out and I really dreaded washing it and combing out handfuls of hair. I started wearing hair in July. I also stopped the rogaine and all supplements. But for me, I still dreaded looking at my pathetic stringy shoulder length hair and it still made me sick to my stomach. And I still hated washing it and all the loss in the shower, etc.... so I buzzed it. That for me was the most freeing moment. I loved the feel of it. I loved taking a shower again and washing my fuzzy head. No more watching my stringy hair fall out. Putting on a wig felt better too. I now hold my head up and smile. I love my wigs. I love my buzzed head. I love this forum. Thank you
    BTW......I do also love taking off the wig after being out the public life because there are times I do feel like a fake, not as much as when I first started wearing hair but that feeling still wants to invade my emotions and wreck havoc more than I want it to. I have never been a make up wearer, still am not, so wearing hair at first was extra stressful for me. It does get better but I wonder will that fake feeling ever go away? I pray it does. I don't wear hair when I am home so I can go days without wearing one and I get used to my buzz cut and love it. Than I put on my wig and it looks fake because of so much more hair. Than I get used to all that hair and when I take if off , I have to get used to the buzz again......and on and on. It does play with the emotions. It is like I have two me's! I wish you the best in your journey and hope you find some relief in your grief, it takes time but it will come if you let it.....grief takes it time and we can only try to be gentle with ourselves.
  • JeannetteB
    59
    a beautiful way to look at it “if this is my worst problem in life, I'll take it and be happy“ ❤️
  • JeannetteB
    59
    my heart goes out to you for all that you’ve been through. I’m ashamed that I would complain over the loss of hair when there are more grievous things in life. My love and prayers go out to you. Thank you for sharing❤️
  • JeannetteB
    59
    thank you, I will look on FB.
    LOL...as a person with a hair loss issue I look at EVERYONEs hairline to see if they’re having hairloss or wearing a wig. Do we ever stop doing that?
    I guess we just want to confirm that we’re not alone
  • MarthaG
    0

    You asked about what to use to secure a wig.

    I used to use Got2B Glued, but recently switched to Tensive Adhesive Gel. It's intended to secure the pads for TENS units, but it works great to secure wigs. You only need a thin layer.

    I put a bit of it on my finger, then smear a very thin layer on my entire front hairline, pop on my wig, and press it down for a few seconds. Once it dries, that wig is NOT going to move unless the adhesive gets wet!

    Caution, don't try to remove it without wetting, because it stings like ripping off a bandaid.
  • Debbie
    13
    Thanks MarthaG
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