• Sunset
    465
    I am absolutely humiliated. Last night I met a fool from an online dating forum. I thought everything was going fine. I made the mistake of showing him a picture of me with a gray wig on telling him I was surprised when I posted it that a lot of men wrote to me. He said he thought it was because I have a pretty face. That was a nice thing to say; however, after he returned from the restroom he asked me if he could ask me a question. I said yes. He then asked me if I was wearing a wig? Yes, I was, but I lied & told him no. He then said it sure looks like a wig. I asked him why he thought that & he said he couldn't see a part in the top of the wig. I was wearing a human hair wig & it doesn't show much of a part. I took it last year to a place & asked him if they could make it look like more of one & they said no. I'm afraid to fool with it, so I haven't bothered. I have been complimented on this particular wig before, but now I don't even want to wear it. I thought it nevertheless was very, very rude of this guy to ask me that. He asked me again why I would have purchased a gray wig. I was annoyed to be asked this again when I had already explained. I told him I purchased a cheap gray wig to joke around with my grandchildren. What's it to him anyway? I am considering the source. He is FAT, BALD & RUDE. I wanted to get up & leave but it was dark outside & I wanted a ride back to my car after our dinner. I refrained from lowering myself to his level & mentioning how bad he looks. I think that's very immature & also downright rude. He would have deserved it, but I still am proud of myself I didn't do it. When I got home I blocked him from being able to write to me again on the site. At this point, I'm going to take this wig to the man I purchased it from & see if he can do anything about the way the top looks, because other than that it is a beautiful color & a nice wig. If he can't do anything I will look into purchasing another wig. By the way this fool who rudely asked me this is 66 years old & has never been married. I don't think he could even begin to know how to have a relationship if his life depended on it.
  • alicexm
    99
    So sorry you had this experience. Some people feel the need to find fault where there is none.

    As for your wig issue, check with your hairdresser for a referral to someone with experience with altering wigs. Many hairdressers are more savvy about wigs than we think. Some wear wigs themselves.
  • BarbT75
    32
    Well glad you swiped him! Lol Lesson learned on online dating always meet with ur own car so you have an out!! Never let them drive u anywhere! That said , totally rude remark from the old goat! That's probably why he is 66 and never been married Red Flag! Don't let his opinion keep u from seeing the wig as beautiful! If u love it and have gotten compliments on it then don't let his opinion foil that! He's clueless on how a woman should look. I say just keep wearing the wig and don't worry about it!!! Listen you got rid of him don't get rid of the wig!! Barb Just my opinion
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  • JudiMD
    4
    I had a girl ask me once, “Is that a wig.” I shot back without even thinking:
    “Are those breast implants?” I bet she never asks anybody that question again! :gasp:
  • Ann S
    30
    I haven't been asked if I wear a wig, but if I have, I am honest. That I had a bad chemo experience and my hair is too thin. Big deal.
    Your wig that doesn't show a part, can be plucked to have one. Easy.
    If it is that perma fluff, it can be very carefully shaved into a part.
    You could have asked the old fart where is hair went and that maybe he would look better with a little hair! HAHA
  • Jayne
    41
    I agree with Ann S about being upfront about wigs. I'm not as quick to tell with my toppers b/c a lot that shows is my biological hair...that said, I still would if asked outright. IMO a lie is a lie even to a fat, balding, rude, crude, never-married loser geezer! :rofl: And, I'd get the HH wig part looking better because if a GUY can tell it's a wig, that isn't good. Everyone else may just being more polite.
  • jan
    0
    Well, the good news from your story is that you now know your wig needs adjustments to make it look more real - which is something friends might be too kind to tell you. So, there is that way of looking at it. And personally, I would like to know if a wig looks fake - rather than have everybody else think it and not tell me. So. it's actually good that this guy - who you weren't interested in anyways - told you.
  • Happy to ve Retired
    254
    I would never suggest getting in a car with someone you met online when meeting for the first time. Just unsafe.
    Now - the wig question - you raised his awareness of the wig possibility earlier in the evening.
    my guess is that he would not have noticed and certainly not have said anything if you had not raised the wig topic earlier. So - your wig may be just fine as is and it was only after unusual scrutiny that he noticed. I am married so i have not faced the dating with wig issue - but some on this forum have discussed it. Not sure how to avoid disclose if physical contact.
    I have been asked on two occasions about my wig - i am sure others suspect. My goal is for it to look as good as possible and as natural as possible. I also look at comfort. I cannot be bothered worrying about other’s suspicions but i also feel no need to confide in them. So i take compliments without comment and on the two occasions when asked i ignored the question and changed the subject. I think it is a rude question.
  • linda
    32
    I so agree with Happy. Gosh there are way too many people who have no manners and are just rude.
    Years ago when I started having my nails done I was asked, without complement, are those your nails? My reply was yep, bought and paid for. Today it’s nothing. How I reply to rude and insensitive questions is pretty much how I’m feeling at the time. Im never rude in return. I just don’t have time in my life for it.
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  • Larry
    16
    Hi Sunset,

    That man was a jerk, and frankly, I think every woman would be better off not having any kind of a relationship with him. I am a gentleman, and I know how to treat a lady. That man was so out of line, I don't even know where to begin addressing his problems when he's on a date. It actually doesn't need to be discussed since he isn't a part of your life not only now, but in the future. However, I'd like to offer some feed back on a topic you alluded to.

    I've worn wigs for over thirty years. Based on my experiences, as well as the experiences of my dear friends, both men and women who wear wigs, would you or could you live your life as a woman who openly wears wigs?

    I'd like to share something that happened to me recently. Even though I love my bald head and have no interest in finding a "cure," I love to wear wigs.I have a number of them in different colors, styles and lengths. I wear them for fun, get compliments if I'm feeling down, and sometimes to draw attention to issues and causes that are important to me such as alopecia areata and breast cancer awareness. My Mom was a three time survivor of breast cancer, and my sister is also a breast cancer survivor. Although I have androgenetic alopecia, I have several friends with alopecia areata, and a number of both friends and family who lost their hair because of chemotherapy in their fight against cancer.

    After I moved to the apartment that I live in now, it was almost like wearing wigs for the first time. This time it was different though. From the first day I moved in, I was myself. Whenever I was asked politely about my wigs and being bald, I was more than happy to tell my story. Did everyone like it that I wear wigs? Of course not! Nor did I expect them to. I did experience some good things that I often do after people get to know me. People want to share their problems with me; yes, partly because I'm a Christian, but also I seem more approachable, empathetic, and I think they see confidence and that I'm comfortable in my own skin.

    It's not always easy though. A wonderful woman recently moved in my apartment complex, and I was captivated by her beauty and grace. When Gina and I first met I was wearing one of my wigs (a new one the color of soft pewter and it goes well with my gray eyes), and the next four times I bumped into her, I was wearing that wig. Twice I knew where she would be,and I went out of my way just so I could see her and talk. On both occasions I made sure I was wearing my new wig,and once I was almost out the door without it on, but popped back in to put it on. After that second get together, I was miserable!

    Even though I hadn't planned it, she had seen me so often wearing my new wig, that part of me was terrified of what her reaction would be when she saw me without it! On the one hand I was furious with myself, and felt like such a hypocrite. I was now doing the one thing I was sure I'd never do -- wear a wig to hide my baldness. After a night of thinking and praying, I knew what I needed to do. That night I went to her apartment and told her I needed to talk, and that it was very important. She invited me in, and we sat down in her living room. She looked almost amused while I fidgeted, uhmed, and hawed. Finally, I started stringing some actual words together. I decided on being candid and frank. I told her I had done something I was ashamed of, and even then I was still struggling to get the words out. She then said something, that should have made me faint.

    "Larry, are you shy about being totally bald, and wearing a wig?"

    I just sat there, eyes locked on her's, and blinked what felt like a hundred times. I raised a hand to my head, worried that something about my wig was out of place. She could tell what I was thinking. "It looks in place and still looks nice and natural."

    "Then, how . . . how . . .did you know I'm wearing a wig?"

    Gina laughed and said, "there are pictures of you bald in Shelia's apartment, Patsy's apartment, and even one in Dave's apartment."

    "I'll kill them tomorrow," I muttered under my breath, which made us both laugh. I then asked the obvious question. "Why didn't you say something after you found out?"

    She stilled smiled as she lay tilted her head back, and looked at the ceiling. "Well, the short and simple answer is that it's your business and no one else's when you decide to tell someone that you're bald and wear wigs, or even choose to never tell someone that you are bald." She paused for a moment before adding, "I was hopping you would tell me, and tell me soon, because you're friends have told me some wonderful stories about how you've used your baldness and wigs to help people with self esteem issues, other than hair loss. I've even read some of your writings, and I can see how God has both inspired your writings, and how He has used them to comfort and provide hope to hurting people."

    I thanked Gina again -- not just for her kind and supportive words, or even because a beautiful friendship between the two of us had begun -- but for one other thing she said.

    "Larry you are not a hypocrite. As you wrote in one of your essays, you said that some women loved bald men, some are indifferent, but that some women think baldness is a turn off and unattractive. As you began to have feelings for me, you didn't know which of these feelings I had about bald men. Fear of not knowing how I'd feel about your baldness, makes you human, not a hypocrite. I was flattered that you liked me so much, but it also broke my heart that you were so worried I might not be interested in you just because you are bald."

    Sunset, I'm sorry if my above letter bored you -- and that I failed to make my point clear. Again, this is feed back and not advice (while in college, one of my psychological professors stressed that we should never give advice, but just feed back. I posed you a question at the start of this letter. I asked if you could, or would live your life being open about wearing wigs. I and my wig wearing brothers and sisters have experienced many of the following things:

    Unless you use an expensive hair replacement system, people are going to find out that you wear wigs. If one person knows, a whole lot of others will to. When you don't keep something a secret, you'll stop being anxious all the time and live in fear that you're secret will come out.

    When people ask you about your wig or wigs (if they are polite, respectful, and not rude), you have a chance to educate them about wigs in general, and why you wear wigs specifically. The more that people know about your wigs, the more understanding and supportive they are about your desire or need to wear them.

    While some men may not want to date women who wear wigs, and some women who don't want to date men who wear wigs, they are plenty who will. Check out the web sites that discuss wigs, dating and relationships if you'd like more proof.

    If you wear wigs, having a sense of humor helps. When my stylist places a new wig on my head and starts to comb it, if she pulls a little to hard, my wig might slide right off of my head, and we get a serious case of the giggles. When your wig accidentally comes off, and almost all wig wearers have had this happen, laugh when it happens! It puts the people around you at ease. Being able to laugh at yourself is a good thing. When you laugh, people tend to relax, smile at you and are more encouraging, and sincerely want to make sure you are alright.

    God bless and love,

    Larry
  • Sunset
    465
    Larry, I haven't got on the site in a few days so I didn't see your posting to me. Thank you so much for writing it. It was anything but boring. I'm going to look into buying a more expensive wig in hopes it will look more real. I haven't worn that wig since that man asked me that. I am looking at it now as a favor he did for me. If he asked if it was a wig then it must look like one.

    God bless you & take care,

    Sunset
  • Sunset
    465
    I agree, he actually did me a favor is how I'm looking at it now. I'm now looking into buying another wig & spending more money in hopes of it being undetectable.
  • Larry
    16
    Once when I was in college, and sitting with some friends, a girl asked me openly, not privately, if I was wearing a wig. I said, "I sure am," as I snatched it off my head and held it up to her face. "But I'm not interested in selling it at this time." Of course my friends already knew since I'd turn up ginger one day, bald the next, then a brunette the day after. My friends thought it was funny. I never saw the girl again, but I've wondered if I had gone to far. Now I know many of you ladies can share similar stories, but I have found that people seem to make more comments and rude comments if you are a bald man. Perhaps that a bald or a wig wearing woman has cancer or something, and don't ask or make comments, publicly but perhaps they do in private.
    God bless,
    Larry
  • Larry
    16
    Even though I have some human hair wigs, some with lace fronts and Monofilament for natural parts, the last wig I bought was a simple synthetic one without any of the bells and whistles, and it's one of the best wigs I ever bought. Sometimes simple seems best.
    God bless,
    Larry
  • Larry
    16

    Hi. I just wanted to thank you for your reply, because it meant a lot to me. What I wish most is a fellow wig wearer and lover that I can talk to, and share experiences with, because my guy friends are useless if I want to talk about wigs!
    Larry
  • Sunset
    465
    Hi Larry, you have all of us on here to talk to about it. I'm sure it probably is difficult to find guy friends to to talk to about it. I've known of men wearing hair pieces, and I think they're even more discreet about wearing them then women are about wearing wigs. I don't see what the big deal is about wearing a wig. I consider it like wearing a hat with hair. I think it's fun to wear different styles & colors just like I enjoy wearing different types of outfits. I feel like I have to stick close to the same color of a wig as my own hair in hopes no will know. I've never had anyone say anything & was shocked when that guy asked me. He was totally bald & I didn't say anything about that. I accept people as they are. If he wore I wig I wouldn't care. I do agree a few of my synthetic wigs look more natural especially on top then the HH wig I have. I love the color of the HH wig & hope someone can do something more with the top to make it look better. I didn't feel this guy who I know I'm never ever going to see again needs to know if I'm wearing a wig or not. If he was someone I was interested in I would have told him. I have a guy friend who has really thick hair & people think he's wearing a wig or hairpiece & he's not. (LOL)
  • Larry
    16
    Oh, dear, I just read the description of the guy. I hope you don't hold it against me because my scalp is nude! :grin:
    God bless,
    Larry
  • Sunset
    465
    Dearest Larry, Absolutely not, I see all kinds of bald men that look good. I only mentioned that this guy is bald because if someone is bald they should be understanding more so why someone would want to wear a wig. I think it's sad that men can get away with being bald & most people don't think a thing about it. If a woman goes out bald something is going to be said. People in general are more critical of women, I know I probably have been guilty of it at times myself. As an example, we all seem to notice women's aging necks but not so much on men. Recently I am taking a look at men's necks to see if they have any drooping. Sure enough they do, but we don't notice it as much on them. Some of the men in my age group have a lot of wrinkles & they seem to get away more so with those to. Luckily I only have a few fine lines & am ordering some retin A today in hopes of getting rid of those. (LOL) I know from looking at pictures of myself I look better in my wigs, so I refuse to not ever wear one when I'm in the mood. Today when I ran to the grocery store I wore my baseball cap because I didn't feel l like doing anything. Please know I'm not holding against you your nude head. My brother started going bald at age 21. I always felt sorry for him, especially back then because it was during the hippie era where men had this long, flowing hair. I was envious of some of their hair also. I always have had extremely baby fine hair. I call it toddler hair because that's exactly what it's like. I can make it look OK for a picture, but the problem I have with it is I have to use loads of hairspray on it, plus I can see when I'm walking towards a mirror how thin it is & how it flaps up & down. I love when I'm wearing a wig or a topper how I can have the window down in my car or have the AC blowing on me & my wig still looks great. I can't do that with my bio hair because it ends up looking like Shirley McClain's hair in Terms of endearment when she was riding in the convertible sticking straight up.
  • Happy to ve Retired
    254
    People are understanding if men having a bald head - much less so of women. When was the last time you heard that HIS hair was his crowning glory.
  • Larry
    16
    Hi Happy,
    From talking with others, it's my impression that when a woman loses her hair, people seem to be more respectful and sensitive. When a man loses his hair, everyone and their brother seems free to make fun of them. Women with hair loss get talked about to, but it's usually behind their back. For men, people get in their face to make comments and insults.

    God bless,
    Larry
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