• animallover
    282
    I was re-reading older posts by me about emotions and wig wearing, written when I first started wearing wigs in the summer of 2018. I thought I had come a long ways but am now going through a tough decision. I would love a little advice from those who have maybe gone through the same type of decision on wearing a wig. I have a wonderful group of close friends that I don't get to see that often. Last time we got together was over a year ago and I was wearing a wig. I received many compliments on my "hair" and resisted the impluse to say it was a wig. I just wasn't ready. I did (and still do) feel like a fake from not telling the compliment wishers. I text a lot with these friends and have never mentioned a wig. I skipped the last few luncheons because I didn't know how to go about explaining why my hair is different....(different wig, different color). The original wig they had seen me in is now quite worn out and is a biking wig. I want to join the next lunch date, next week, but am scared. AND I don't know why!? Some family know, one friend knows (not in that group) but I am still so hesitant to tell just anyone or everyone. I don't know why I feel this way, I really don't. I am leaning on texting one or two of them ahead of time to let them know and than just show up in my current hairstyle and let it go at that. I guess I just need a boost of courage to do just that....or any different ideas/advice that anyone has to offer.....??? Thanks ahead of time.
  • Lostfrog
    1
    I haven't been wearing wigs as long as you have, I'm coming up on a year but I also wrestle with the same thoughts. This x-mas was the first time some family members would see me in a wig and I was so nervous it would turn into a "thing" and I would be embarrassed. They didn't even notice and I got myself all worked up for nothing. If these are close friends and you feel comfortable, share, if not, don't, accept the compliments. When I'm feeling uncomfortable, I try to think of my wigs as accessories like make up or spanx. No one I know looks good just crawling out of bed, we go through a whole ritual of hair and makeup to look pretty to the rest of the world. Women get their hair colored and cut all the time, they may just assume you got a new do.
  • Misty
    397
    I have been wearing wigs now for 30 years, my current wig is the Jon Renau Zara, and I have been wearing that as my hair for the past 7 years. I do swap with JR Kaia and a few others, and have recently changed the colour to Palm Springs Blonde. If you look around at your friends, they generally would change their hair styles, or colour at different times. I know my friends do. My immediate family knows I wear wigs, but I do not discuss this with my friends or anyone I work with, that is just my personal way in dealing with my hair loss. It is very easy to say, take a deep breath, and just go and see your gorgeous friends, however I do know it can be scary, it has been for me at diffferent times. I now try and think of one thing to get me through, and that is they ARE my friends, they care about me, and they would never intentionally say or do anything to upset me. Then I take a deep breath, go and meet them, with a big smile on my face, and we are straight into the hugs and chatting like we met yesterday. I hope this is of some help :hearts:
  • alicexm
    99
    I’ve been wearing wigs for 3 years now and it’s become second nature so I seldom think about it. Recently I moved office and now see some people I haven’t worked with for more than 10 years. One woman especially commented on how beautiful my hair was, how it was such a gorgeous silver, etc. So far, since I don’t see her daily, it hasn’t been a problem but I know it could get awkward. But since the people I’ve been working with daily for the last 3 years haven’t questioned me I’m confident it’ll be a non-issue. But to echo Misty, these women are your friends and I’d bet they’re more interested in you than your hair.
  • Gretabern
    3
    I have also been wearing a wig for about six years. I did tell my close friends and family of course, when I started and they always compliment me on my hair. But I never tell anybody else and no one has asked me if I’m wearing one. I always wear Amore or Rene of Paris in the same shade Copper Glaze. Be confident and proud!!!
  • Gretabern
    3
    So to answer your question fess up to your friends. Tell them it was hard in the beginning to share but now you’re confident enough to tell them that you wear a wig. They’ll support you for sure!
  • Happy to ve Retired
    253
    When i first started wearing wigs it was after a rather long trip away. We normally leave summers and we had done some traveling before and after. When i returned - i could see people looking puzzled. No one asked if i were wearing a wig but several people told me i looked great. At least one person had come to the conclusion that i had plastic surgery:). A wig actually does make you look better. Since then i gave changed colors once and just got compliments on the new color. Each new wig looks a bit different but i am betting very few people notice. Everyone is more obsessed with themselves than my hair. If it has been a while - people will say you good or different but may not really know why. If you wear something really unusual - like RW if you dare - then it might be a topic but it would be a fun topic. A regular wig will take up no more than 5 minutes if anyone else's life. Just the way it is. But i can appreciate your anxiety - most of us feel it as well. They will just be happy to see uou after your absence.
  • Happy to ve Retired
    253
    I just saw your post on wearing a pink highlighted wig. If you feel it will be a topic at the lunch and you are planning on “owning up” - i would consider wearing the pink one. For me - the worst thing is if someone feels sorry for me having to wear a wig - and the pink definitely puts a lighter spin on the discussion. Else - keep them guessing:)
  • Larry
    16
    Hi Animallover,

    I think that though it may be hard at first, you'll be better off if people know you wear wigs. There is no need to carry that heavy load of fear of what people will think. Just tell people the truth. I can promise you that the world won't end if people know you wear a wig. I'm a fifty-five year old man who started wearing wigs again after a thirty year break. As much as I love my totally bald head, I also love to wear wigs that are different colors and styles. Those who love you aren't going to care, and new people will feel comfortable around you when they see you are comfortable wearing your wig. Would you choose not to make friends with someone if they wear a wig . . . would you stop being friends with someone if you found out they wear a wig? Consider this: if people know you wear a wig, then you don't need to live your life in fear that people will find out you are wearing a wig.

    God bless,
    Larry
  • linda
    32
    Good advice Larry. Im sure most of us can relate to that "heavy load of fear of what people will think."
    The truth shall set you free. And it's yours to give if you choose to do so.

    Linda
  • Happy to ve Retired
    253
    I had a friend who had a rule that medical talk at his house was limited to 15 minutes at the front end of the party. Why - because people usually like to talk about other stuff at a party. I cannot imagine your friends at a luncheon asking if you are wearing a wig. It would be rather rude after all. So - you could raise the issue but i am guessing that is not what you want. I NEVER discuss my wigs and it is not a burden to me. If i had to discuss them every time I saw someone - that would be a burden to me. So - to each his own path. Most people find other peoples hair to be a boring subject. Bottom line - very few people care. I don't care if people wear a wig. If someone looks good - either with or without a wig - I say you look good. I don't expect someone to fill me in on their new eyeshadow or that they wear fake eyelashes or that they have dyed their hair - unless I ask. I remember one time someone just in passing asked someone how they were doing - and the person went into a LONG diatribe about their health and what else was wrong in their lives. After the person was done with their story - I looked at the poor person who had asked how they were doing - and I said I bet that is the last time you make that mistake. He laughed. My point is this. We and our friends care about each other and hopefully their are there when you need them - but they don't need to hear every detail of your life - especially at an event. And believe me - whether or not you wear a wig to the party is a detail to them. I have to wear a wig all the time - but I refuse for it to become a huge part of my life. It is simply fixing my hair. Done. No need to fill anyone in on details unless they ask for them.
  • animallover
    282
    Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond, I know how busy everyone's day can be. I really appreciate it.
    OK, so after hemming and hawing all night and this morning, first I wasn't going to go , than I was, than not, I went. Since the weather was not that great, 1/2 of the people couldn't make it so it was just me and 2 really close old friends and one friend I see every few years. The 2 close friends immediately commented how much they loved my hair. I had on a style that they would not have expected my bio hair to look like. My Hairdo Bob in very blonde with dark roots. I said, there is a story behind my hair. When we got seated, I started to tell them and one of them said, "It isn't your hair, right?" I said," No it isn't, OMG, does it look like a wig?!?" She started laughing (in a good way) and said, "Oh no, not at all. A friend of hers had just started wearing a wig and it had a similar look to it. They loved it and the color. And we moved on. Had a great time and was totally at ease.
    Was it easy? No, because for some stupid reason I still feel like a fraud. I don't know why. I don't understand this feeling inside of me. I don't judge others. I judge myself though. I am not a make-up wearer, never have been, only because I don't have patience, maybe if I was I wouldn't feel like I do?? I don't know.
    I do feel better though because now they know and next time I will wear a different hair style just for fun.
    Maybe the pink highlighted one!! I chuckled about the medical story, I learned a long time ago, don't ask certain people how they are!
    \ Your are right, living in fear about people finding out about a wig, well , that just seems ridiculous and I do feel freer.
    Thank you all again! We are all in this hair journey together!
  • linda
    32
    Good for you. Im glad to read that you feel better.
    Its never easy, but it does get a little bit easier each time. That's a contradiction, huh:) For me It's the anticipation and anxiety prior to the event that seems to get easier with each encounter.

    This feeling like a "fraud" is very common especially with women. I've struggled with this through out my adult life. I am a successful person. And fairly confident ...most of the time.

    Try not to be dismissive of your feelings, or call them names:) But do not let them take up residence in your head.
    For today anyway.
    L
  • Larry
    16
    I was just glad that I was helpful.

    I can relate somewhat with what you're going through. I took a twenty year break from wearing wigs. If you read my profile it contains an essay how I got into wearing wigs.

    Recently a friend from those days asked if I still wore wigs. When she asked me why, I said that I didn't have a ministry and so I didn't have a good reason for wearing them any more. She took my hand and she reminded me how much I loved wearing them. As much as I love my totally bald head, both then and now, I love being wigged, to. "And that," my friend said, "is reason enough to wear them again."

    So, here I am, a fifty-five year old man, living in a retirement community, shows up at meals, bald, blonde, a brunette or a red head. The first day was hard. My first new wig was awful, but I now have a stylist who keeps me from making bad choices (lol). When asked why I was wearing wigs, I said I loved variety. I also said I wore them to draw attention to various causes and issues such as breast cancer awareness (my Mom and sister are survivors), and alopecia areata among others (despite what my friend said, I still felt I needed a reason to wear wigs, besides just wanting to. Despite starting off with a bad wig, the experience has been as rewarding as when I used to wear them years ago. I hope that you will discover the joy and fun of wearing wigs, unafraid, confident and happy. You don't have to do what I've done. If you are a one wig or one color woman, that's fine! Remember these are your friends, and I'd bet the butter and egg money that some of them will want to tr wigs and want you to help them.

    God bless and love,

    Larry

    PS I've written a book on wigs, hair loss and self esteem. Would you mind looking at some of it and tell me what you think?
  • Larry
    16
    Ooops! I should have read all my mail before replying, so I'd have known you've already met with your friends. Oh well, I'll crawl away embarrassed now. But I'm very proud and happy for you!

    God bless,
    Larry
  • alicexm
    99
    So glad things went well. Hugs!
  • A7X
    75
    I am glad everything went well too! So happy that your friends weren't judgemental or disapproving.

    When I first wore my wig to work a year and a half ago, there were lots of questions, but most people thought I got a new haircut which goes to show you that most people don't notice from day to day what you look like. Some women had more questions and I just told them I got extensions, which satisfied everyone. My close friends know I wear a wig, but I was comfortable telling them.
  • candybars41
    0
    Completely off topic: I am new to the forum and can’t figure out how to post/start a thread. Can someone advise? Thanks!
  • Happy to ve Retired
    253
    Don't know if you remember but i have seen pics of you in a couple of different wigs and you looked great:) It was back in the day when people posted pics before the big dust up. Glad the lunch went well. I miss the chats with the people who used to come to this forum regularly. This is basically the only place I discuss wigs. In my life - it is just something I need to wear thanks to my extremely thin hair and a terrible shape head. This make me look better - at least I think so:) But, i would not discuss my bras and I will not discuss adult diapers if I get to the point where I need those. This is just a tool to get on with my life - and it is relatively simple as long as I don't need a new wig.

    I completely agree with A7x in that a change is largely noticeable only to us. Others think -hmm - you look different and I cannot put my finger on why. Kind of funny really.

    Cheers. Please keep posting - I miss the posts from "old group" here. Remember ALEX? Whatever happened to him? And of course, Moonlitnight served as a moderator for a bit and it was taking so much time. Now - I think no moderator?
  • A7X
    75
    This is the only place I discuss wigs, too. So many people here were so helpful and supportive when I decided to go to full time wig wearing, it was a huge thing for me and I still come here for tips and suggestions.

    Getting old (I'm now 57) is no joke. Menopause and heredity took my hair, my sight, which was never good to begin with, now requires contacts AND reading glasses, and I need shapewear on a daily basis to keep things from jiggling even though I'm 133 pounds. I don't get undressed at night as much as I take myself apart! I too, will not discuss adult diapers if (gawd forbid) it comes to that.

    Also - my new iPhone doesn't recognize my face to unlock my phone if I'm not wearing my wig. I don't know whether to be offended or laugh!
  • A7X
    75
    If you scroll up to the top of this thread, in the top left corner of your screen will be a red button that says "Start a New Discussion" - that will let you start a new thread.
  • animallover
    282
    Yes, I believe I had emailed you a few pics of me with a couple of different wigs. Thanks for the compliment! I miss all the others that used to post regularly as this is the only place I get to talk "wig". I can mention it to a few family members, a few friends....but no one really understands what it is like to wig shop, wear wig and/or the feelings that go with it all. No one really understands about the feelings of hair loss either. I check this forum out everyday for support and just to read about other's wigs. I don't think Alex works there anymore, the reason I say this is because I see that all his posts have been deleted. It is like he just up and disappeared! BTW - do you still like your Hairdo Bob? That one has been my go to style for the last year and it is one that I can pop on easily but I get ansy and am looking at Perry by Estetica, Girl Mono by EW and Finn by HM. Hard choices and than, of course, what color?!


    I hear you both about getting older. Is it harder for a woman? Seems it, but can't speak for a man, LOL. It seems like women are judged more than men for showing signs of aging. As for sagging skin....I weigh about the same as you, the same weight I have always been but am not firm like I used to be....I positively hate the loose skin on my upper arms. I kind of dread the warmer weather just because I used to be able to wear sleeveless without being self-conscience. And reading glasses...why do I even go into a store to buy something that I want to read the back of?!! I can't see it unless I remember to bring reading glasses....or use a pair off the shelf for a quick minute!
    Iphone not recognizing you without your wig on -LOL!!!
  • Jnc
    15
    I'm old, but if people say they like my hair, I say thank you and tell them it's a wig. Doesn't bother me at all. Now, I would not want to be out and about without a wig. Now that would be embarrassing. First thing I do in the morning is put an old one on until I shower because it makes me more comfortable with hair. However, after dinner I almost always take it off, if we don't have company, because by nighttime I've had enough. When my grandkids are staying the night, they more than likely will see me without hair. They are used to it. :) Just don't worry about what others think. If you are happy and comfortable with you, then that's all that matters. :heart:
  • Larry
    16
    Not to beat a dead horse, but since I'm an openly bald, wig wearing person, I love to get compliments like, "oh, Larry, I really love that one." If I kept wearing wigs a secret, or if people knew but thought I was self conscience about wearing them, I'd miss out on getting compliments. I'm not telling you what to do, just offering you something to think about.

    God bless,

    Larry
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