• Erzsike
    76
    I started a new government job in a large complex. When passing this woman in the information booth today (she is there all the time), she flat out asked me if I was wearing a wig! I was so shocked, but I said, this is my hair, and kept walking down the hall to my office. I felt horrible and hurt. I believe a topic like this has appeared here and that I shared past experiences, but this one really was painful. Thoughts?
  • Moonlitnight
    837
    Good heavens. How RUDE. Yes, I think BeatA suggested responding with "Are you wearing underpants?" There was also a response, possibly also by BeatA, along the lines of, "That's a very personal question. Do I know you?" Of course, these are not really appropriate in a work situation. I would have just ignored her, as you did. You acted with some class even though she obviously has none. Hug!
  • BeatA
    309
    go and talk to her alone and tell her how personal a question this is and that you don’t appreciate being called out in public like that. You would be happy to talk about it once you have developed a personal relationship with someone and even give tips and informationaboit wigs, but your personal reasons for wearing wigs are your business and when you are ready to share you will let her know.
    I am So sorry that bappemed to you. Maybe that lady has some form of autism or social “Disorder” maybe she did not mean to out you like that. So I guess that’s a possibility. Since you are new there you have to consider that she has issues and did not mean to be as rude as she came across.
    Still It sucks. I would Have been mortified too.
  • Crystal
    63
    Oh,wow! Sorry that happened to you.
  • buckeyegal1963
    187
    https://giphy.com/gifs/gilmore-girls-revival-yanic-truesdale-Dc0MtbBpdkrjG

    You were classy and took the high road, I'm sorry you were hurt by this person's thoughtless comment ((((hugs)))).
  • HeatherE
    88
    That was terrible on her part. That woman needs to learn some damn manners. Please don't let her make you feel bad. She is the one with the issue. :heart:
  • Uriela
    60
    Just another take on this. About a year ago, I was asked the same question. I answered, "Yes, I am" and the woman then told me that she had been thinking of buying a wig, but knew nothing about them, and started asking me questions. Of course this is a topic I love to talk about, so off I went. She ended up buying a wig and loving it, and we are very friendly because of this. Now, having said that, I imagine that it is all in the way the person asks a question. If they say, "Excuse me, for asking, but would you mind telling me if you are perhaps wearing a wig?" that will not feel hurtful. But if the way their question implies a criticism like, "Your hair looks too good, that must be a wig right?" or even worse, "Your hair looks phony. Is that a wig?" I don't mean they use those words but there is an implication of it in the tone of voice etc. I think that would feel offensive and hurtful.
  • Vee1028
    450
    I have seen your picture and the ONLY reason this woman asked you that is because your hair is so freaking GORGEOUS she couldn't believe it was real. You look amazing. People get jealous and look for something wrong to make themselves feel better.
    BTW....just seeing your picture I would never have guessed. Keep smiling, beautiful
  • PinkEvie
    132
    Looking at the photo of you on here, how on earth did this woman assume you were wearing a wig??? It looks so natural, you look stunning, I'm shocked and confused at such a comment, unless as Urilea said, it could have been out of curiosity
  • Erzsike
    76
    Thank you for the two viewpoints. This woman said it in a rude way. On my first day she remarked that I looked too good and that I must have to get up early in the morning. On my third day she just flat out said "is that a wig?" in a tone that did not convey inquiry. I have helped women I know who have hair issues to not be afraid of wigs. Those were rewarding experiences.
  • Erzsike
    76
    Thanks Vee! I wear "Harper" by Henry Margu. and for work I dress more professionally and not so glam. I new if I posted my feelings here, I would get validation and also some good feedback.
  • Erzsike
    76
    It was not out of curiosity, believe me. It was straight in the face rude. My dearest friends know I wear a wig because they have been with me on my "hair" journey. Also, former co-workers know because of that same journey. But a person I don't even know to just call me out, not in addition to other conversation, and being a stranger, AND also in my new place of work is just dreadful. Thanks for your kindness and for letting me rant! haha!
  • Erzsike
    76
    thank you! xxoo
  • Erzsike
    76
    thank you!!! (Hugs)
  • Erzsike
    76
    She certainly has all her marbles. she was just rude. I am going to carry on and do great at my new job!
  • Erzsike
    76
    Ha, ha! Maybe I will just walk up to her and ask "are you wearing underpants?" I guess I need to have a come-back remark planned for situations like this. I will add the underpants one to my list! xxoo
  • Alex Kautz
    549
    I think you have the right attitude moving forward.. the lady was probably just jealous (hence the 'waking up early' comment..)

    No one has ever asked me about my wigs unless I tell them first! I get compliments on my wigs... sometimes I will just say 'thank you'! Other times, when i'm feeling chatty, I will talk about how amazing wigs are! People are always interested (at least I think so...) lol
  • Moonlitnight
    837
    Credited to @BeatA! She has the most perfect answers...a whole list of them.
  • Katooshie
    538
    since you have to work with her and she sounds confrontational you may have to speak to her. You can go talk to her and tell her your story or wait til she attacks again at which point its a good idea to have an answer ready. My new fave is "i will forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering". Followed by a wink...a smile...and a confident toss of the faux hair. Then walk away laughing and leave that bi7ch guessing!
  • Moonlitnight
    837
    Rant all you like. I remain just baffled by her remark and the rudeness of it. She must be a very unhappy person as she was trying to put you down. Your wig looks perfect on you, which I suspect is "the problem" based on her first comment! It is always so difficult to figure out how to deal with this sort of question when it is said in an almost-hostile way. Do you want to put her in her place or make an ally out of her? The woman at the post office knows that I wear wigs. I was sooo annoyed because this is the local pharmacy where every one of the girls stares at my hair in an obvious way. When I picked up my latest wig to pay the $98 duty and taxes, it said "WIG" on the Customs document. (So much for wig companies having a more discreet name than "BestWigSeller Ltd.") I said, "So much for privacy" and told her I have alopecia. She said, "I won't tell anyone." Just a thought. Big hugs!
  • Toni Warner
    12
    [reply="Oh good grief I am constantly amazed by people's rudeness and insensitivity. I am so sorry this happened to you sounds like this lady has a problem, most people who act like that are unhappy with themselves, but you hang in there you are beautiful don't let her drag you down, and CONGRATULATIONS on your new job!
  • Cathe Lartigue
    179
    Some people, are, by nature miserable and nasty. Rather than looking for the good in others, these are the vermin that look over every individual to find something either wrong, or something that'll hit their vulnerable spot. People like that woman don't even deserve an answer--they are not even worth the one-second of your time. I wouldn't have answered her, I would have started walking by.
  • Erzsike
    76
    Actually, I don't work with her. She is a greeter for the public who comes to the building. I am just going to let it pass. it was very upsetting. xxoo
  • Erzsike
    76
    I am going to just let it pass. She obviously has no idea that what she said was cruel (to me). Will smile at her every day and say good morning!
  • Erzsike
    76
    Thanks for your support! xxoo
  • Erzsike
    76
    Thanks for caring! :heart:
  • Erzsike
    76
    Yes, quite a few people are like that. Very insensitive. Boggles the mind!
  • Vee1028
    450
    I hate hijacking Erzsike's thread like this but I have to ask if you two are sisters. The resemblance is remarkable.
  • Maddie
    9
    I'm so sorry someone did this to you! And at a new job, too! How awful! Some people just don't know any better, but it sounds like that wasn't the problem with her.

    It sounds to me like the woman is trying to provoke you into a response. Maybe instead of a verbal comeback, you could just look at her in surprise and laugh like she said something incredibly funny. Each time she says something, just laugh harder. Then walk off shaking your head in amazement and still laughing to yourself.

    I've used this approach many times with aggressively obnoxious people. When I was younger and disabled by migraines, I might as well have been wearing a sign to social gatherings that said, "Young women, please feel free to increase your confidence and status by loudly inquiring about my headaches and the catastrophic damage they've done to my life and finances. Speak loudly, so they can hear you at the back of the room, and don't forget to say it must be nice not to have to work!" I found what did the best job of shutting them up was to laugh at them. Everyone hates it. Everyone is embarassed by it. Everyone gets flustered. The best thing about it was no one wanted to risk my laughing at them a second time. Anyway, it might be worth a try if you don't want to verbally engage with this woman or you can't think of a good comeback at the moment. Good luck. No one should have to put up with people like that.
  • Moonlitnight
    837
    "Young women, please feel free to increase your confidence and status by loudly inquiring about my headaches and the catastrophic damage they've done to my life and finances.Maddie
    This actually made me cry. I get daily migraines and they impact EVERYTHING. I have spent way too much flying to see various neurologists and doing every diet on the planet. I live a healthy lifestyle but get them nonetheless. My 31-year-old daughter too. It is heartbreaking to see her with them. But I have hijacked the thread to whine. Your advice to Erzsike is great.
  • Katooshie
    538
    not that i am aware of lol
  • Toni Warner
    12
    I consider that a great compliment Katooshie is beautiful, but no we are only sisters by hair. :smile:
  • Vee1028
    450
    yes, you're both beautiful and could easily be mistaken for sisters or even twins!
  • Vee1028
    450
    I agree with #Maddie that laughing at any more comments from this woman might be the best way to silence her. Or maybe just a confident smile as you pass by each day.
  • Katooshie
    538
    Hello hair sister! I also felt it a great compliment as you are BEAUTIFUL! :)
  • Katooshie
    538
    Thank you! Such a lovely compliment to be compared to such a beautiful lady :)
  • Erzsike
    76
    Thank you Maddie! Great idea about the laughing! hahahahahaha! Sorry about your terrible migraines. I get them from time to time and have to sit in a dark room, but not as debilitating as you and Moonlight. :-(
  • Erzsike
    76
    Funny that you should speak of smiling. I did say good morning to her today, smiled, and kept walking briskly down the hall!
  • Vee1028
    450
    Good for you! I I know how tough that can be sometimes.
  • Katooshie
    538
    you GO girl! So proud of you!!
  • Lori
    209
    I would have just ignored her too. That’s incredibly rude. My response would have been “pardon me?!!” And walk away. Something so rude doesn’t even deserve an answer quite honestly. right Moonlitnight?
  • Lori
    209
    check out this link. I just started taking this stuff called natural calm. And it’s supposed to be good for migraines too. You find it in the vitamin aisle at any drug store.

    https://naturalcalm.ca/how-to-treat-migraines-and-headaches-with-magnesium/
  • Moonlitnight
    837
    Right. No excuse for this kind of rudeness. My mother always made up words and I'm not sure if she thought they were correct or not. Her word for rudeness was "rudery" and that always makes me smile. She used it in extreme situations, like this.
  • Lori
    209
    Yup! Need to stand up to those kind of people and set a firm boundary! don’t ever let anyone make you feel like anything less than a beautiful woman. Stay confident and don’t give that ignorant woman any of your power. Strut right on by her head held high and make her feel embarrassed for saying something so rude. I had a girl in a store call me out once and I just said like I said in the last post. Said pardon me?! And walked away.
  • Lori
    209
    I hope you give this product a try. There’s tons of reviews on it online. Restless leg syndrome, sleep problems, keeping you calm. All kinds of good benefits. I had been taking it leading up to court with my ex and I was calm as a cucumber in court when I normally would have not been like that.
  • Moonlitnight
    837
    Thank you Lori. I have tried magnesium citrate to no avail, unfortunately. It is so frustrating. xo I will try it though. You just never know with migraines.
  • Moonlitnight
    837
    Aww. I hope it all worked out well.
  • Lori
    209
    You have tried it already? A different brand or this one? Hmmmm.
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